I am back in Mumbai after 3 n 1/2 months. We returned on 12th- a Sunday. Aaran was pretty okay to manage along the way except once when he bawled aloud at the Chennai Airport. I know there is a feeding room somewhere in this place, having bumped into it once by mistake. But now when I needed it, I couldn't find it anywhere. There were no signboards anywhere and both me & Aaru were getting desperate. Finally, I just plunked down in a little less-crowded portion of a waiting area and fed him. Thankfully, I wear only dresses with feeding provision and feeding bras as long as I feed the kids. When I quit feeding Sanju, I was so desperate for fitting dresses and lacy bras that I went on a shopping spree. As of now, I am still enjoying what I am wearing as it is too early to get bugged of it!
Days are getting to become very tough now that I am back alone, especially the evenings. Sanju is desperately bored of being stuck at home and Aaru refuses to leave my arms. Though I am quite adept at feeding Aaru as I am reading a book to Sanju, the whole process drains me out. Every few minutes that Aaru dozes off, me and Sanju play volleyball in the lobby. Very soon, he howls and we have to head back. I can see that Sanju is irritated and bugged up. That is why I took them both to Payal’s house today. Sanju had some half-hour of fun there while Aaru dozed in his pram. I desperately need some help in the evenings. Hope I get someone soon!
However, all said and done, I am so happy. I really missed my home and my husband. It’s good to be back!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Sunday, September 5, 2010
The First Delivery Story - Part I
When I first came to know that I was pregnant, I was ecstatic. I bought all the pregnancy books available on the stands and read them in detail. My obsession was so bad that I could even quote from most of them. I was through most of them even before my second trimester could begin. Then I started on the baby care books. In devoured them and knew everything necessary about caring for babies months before mine was born (at least theoretically! – it is only later that I came to know you can never know all about baby & child care; each one is different & they will constantly continue to surprise you) However there was this one section that I totally ignored in all these books. Since mine was a normal and uneventful pregnancy, I ignored the possibility of ever having to undergo a caesarean.
The very little that I knew about c-section was what I had learnt in a 30-minute session in my pregnancy classes. So when my waters broke at around 11.30 p.m on February 20, 2006 and my hubby, mom & dad rushed me to the hospital, I was horrified to know that the baby had passed meconium and I needed to be operated immediately. I broke down completely. I just remember flashes of the conversation and buzz around me…
- Dozens of nurses poured in and each one was doing a variety of stuff to get me ready for the c-section
- The word “fetal distress” was being whispered all around
- The voice of my gynaec, Dr Nirmala Jayashankar. It was an answer to my prayers as I seriously wondered whether she would turn up at 12 midnight on a Sunday
- The constant ticking of the fetal monitor
- My mother asking me to remove all my gold jewellery
And amidst all this, I heard the nurse ask the doctor, “Her husband wants to meet her. Can I permit him?”
Immediately, I wiped my tears and tried to put on a brave front. He came into the room and kissed my forehead. It was unbelievable. My hubby dislikes any form of public display of affection and here he was kissing me in front of the entire battalion of hospital staff. It was such a beautiful moment in my life. In fact, whenever me & my hubby have quarrelled and whenever I have had the urge to knock him one on the head, I recall this kiss and it has saved him many a time!
Then I was wheeled into the operation theatre. My mom and dad stood in tears helpless and I tried to smile and wave at them. I’ll continue the rest in the next blog.
The very little that I knew about c-section was what I had learnt in a 30-minute session in my pregnancy classes. So when my waters broke at around 11.30 p.m on February 20, 2006 and my hubby, mom & dad rushed me to the hospital, I was horrified to know that the baby had passed meconium and I needed to be operated immediately. I broke down completely. I just remember flashes of the conversation and buzz around me…
- Dozens of nurses poured in and each one was doing a variety of stuff to get me ready for the c-section
- The word “fetal distress” was being whispered all around
- The voice of my gynaec, Dr Nirmala Jayashankar. It was an answer to my prayers as I seriously wondered whether she would turn up at 12 midnight on a Sunday
- The constant ticking of the fetal monitor
- My mother asking me to remove all my gold jewellery
And amidst all this, I heard the nurse ask the doctor, “Her husband wants to meet her. Can I permit him?”
Immediately, I wiped my tears and tried to put on a brave front. He came into the room and kissed my forehead. It was unbelievable. My hubby dislikes any form of public display of affection and here he was kissing me in front of the entire battalion of hospital staff. It was such a beautiful moment in my life. In fact, whenever me & my hubby have quarrelled and whenever I have had the urge to knock him one on the head, I recall this kiss and it has saved him many a time!
Then I was wheeled into the operation theatre. My mom and dad stood in tears helpless and I tried to smile and wave at them. I’ll continue the rest in the next blog.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
C-section Horrors
I have always been scared of surgeries, especially after both my parents underwent terribly painful ones. I prayed that I should be spared of it forever in my life. But it was not to be so. I underwent my first at just 23 – an emergency c-section.
People somehow do not consider a caesarean as either an important surgery or a painful one. This is especially true of those who had a normal labour. The only thing I feel like telling them is to please undergo one before coming to such rash conclusions.
After delivery, every mother has to undergo bleeding, yucky sweating, afterpains, cramps, constipation, incisional pain, breast engorgement and what not – along with sleepless nights with colicky infants. Now we c-section veterans underwent not only all this but also terrible pain in the stitches as the anaesthesia wears off (did you know pain relievers are given only once in 8 hours – medical science does need to improve!), inability to even sit up (forget sitting up – we couldn’t even turn to the sides while lying down; & still we continued to feed an infant who needed his meals every hour), terrible indignities like
• wearing a hospital gown that even Pamela would think twice before donning,
• having a nurse change your pad,
• having these strange men popping in at all odd times to change the urine bag (they also loudly declare the quantity in it – I was so embarrassed the first time that guy screamed out “550 ml” to the nurse on the other side across the lobby)
• having an escort to the toilet for the first post-surgery piss,
• and worst of all, having a nurse pop into your room when there are visitors, questioning loudly, “have you peed yet?” and you have to answer her!
I knew of all this only after my first surgery and decided not to have any more kids. I knew the doctors would only put me under the knife again. But my persistent hubby tricked me into believing that I would have a VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarean) and I believed him. Maybe, I wanted to believe him in the hope of having another cute little chubby bubbly around the house. But it was not to be so. Four years five months and one day later, I had to undergo a c-section once again.
I’ll talk about both of those experiences in the next post!
People somehow do not consider a caesarean as either an important surgery or a painful one. This is especially true of those who had a normal labour. The only thing I feel like telling them is to please undergo one before coming to such rash conclusions.
After delivery, every mother has to undergo bleeding, yucky sweating, afterpains, cramps, constipation, incisional pain, breast engorgement and what not – along with sleepless nights with colicky infants. Now we c-section veterans underwent not only all this but also terrible pain in the stitches as the anaesthesia wears off (did you know pain relievers are given only once in 8 hours – medical science does need to improve!), inability to even sit up (forget sitting up – we couldn’t even turn to the sides while lying down; & still we continued to feed an infant who needed his meals every hour), terrible indignities like
• wearing a hospital gown that even Pamela would think twice before donning,
• having a nurse change your pad,
• having these strange men popping in at all odd times to change the urine bag (they also loudly declare the quantity in it – I was so embarrassed the first time that guy screamed out “550 ml” to the nurse on the other side across the lobby)
• having an escort to the toilet for the first post-surgery piss,
• and worst of all, having a nurse pop into your room when there are visitors, questioning loudly, “have you peed yet?” and you have to answer her!
I knew of all this only after my first surgery and decided not to have any more kids. I knew the doctors would only put me under the knife again. But my persistent hubby tricked me into believing that I would have a VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarean) and I believed him. Maybe, I wanted to believe him in the hope of having another cute little chubby bubbly around the house. But it was not to be so. Four years five months and one day later, I had to undergo a c-section once again.
I’ll talk about both of those experiences in the next post!
The Night Monsters
I had a very peaceful night yesterday. I woke up only about some 11 times throughout the night. Twice for my elder 4 year old son – once for choo-choo (i.e. his term for the ‘loo’) and once for scary boo-boos under the bed. The rest were for my one week old younger son who has this cycle of feeding – dirtying the diaper – pissing on mom as she is changing that diaper and feeding once again. To bachelors and childless couples, this may sound like a crazy night. Definitely not one that they would call ‘peaceful’. However any night not interrupted by wailing screams, frantic phone calls to doctors, thermometers, sponging, medicines and tears is a peaceful night for all mothers.
When I was a new mother the first time, I did not have this wisdom. Sleepless night after a painful c-section made me groggy, irritated and tearful. Around the second week, my son had a bout of colic. His painful cries made me desperate. I would have gladly bitten off my arm if it would have eased up his pain.
As the years rolled by the night monsters rolled into my life. The fear of what the night is to bring gripped me. Scorching temperatures, painful tummy, projectile vomiting, diarrhea, feet pain, knee pain, eye injury and lots more have kept me awake through many nights and those were crazy nights. Those nights made me and my husband so desperate that having a 24 hour pharmacy at a walkable distance was our first prerogative while looking for a house.
Give me a sick child in the day – I can manage that but not in the night! But, I just cannot understand why is it that kids love to fall sick only in the late P.M. and early A.M. hours! So, the night monsters do crop up once in a while. To fight them, me and my husband keep the pediatrician’s number on speed dial and the car filled up with petrol always. I send up a special night prayer everyday to ward off these evil night monsters, cross my heart and go to bed. And when I wake up in the morning, I thank God for each peaceful night without the night monsters.
When I was a new mother the first time, I did not have this wisdom. Sleepless night after a painful c-section made me groggy, irritated and tearful. Around the second week, my son had a bout of colic. His painful cries made me desperate. I would have gladly bitten off my arm if it would have eased up his pain.
As the years rolled by the night monsters rolled into my life. The fear of what the night is to bring gripped me. Scorching temperatures, painful tummy, projectile vomiting, diarrhea, feet pain, knee pain, eye injury and lots more have kept me awake through many nights and those were crazy nights. Those nights made me and my husband so desperate that having a 24 hour pharmacy at a walkable distance was our first prerogative while looking for a house.
Give me a sick child in the day – I can manage that but not in the night! But, I just cannot understand why is it that kids love to fall sick only in the late P.M. and early A.M. hours! So, the night monsters do crop up once in a while. To fight them, me and my husband keep the pediatrician’s number on speed dial and the car filled up with petrol always. I send up a special night prayer everyday to ward off these evil night monsters, cross my heart and go to bed. And when I wake up in the morning, I thank God for each peaceful night without the night monsters.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
The Last 10 months: A summary
The last 10 months I took a break from tapping the keys of my laptop. From the day I came to know I am pregnant, I took a break from blogging but I did continue to journal in the traditional manner, with pen & paper. I thought I’ll share a few glimpses from that journal with you.
17.11.2009
It was the first time Aaru (Aaran Krishna – my second child) showed up as a faint little extra line in the home pregnancy test kit. I was ecstatic. I am going to continue this post as a direct talk to my little dear one.
Dear Aaru,
20.11.2009
You showed up in all your glory. I kept hoping you were a girl. Then a few months later, I wanted you to be a boy. Then towards the end of pregnancy, especially after dad’s granny’s death, I was hoping you would be a girl. Especially because I wanted to name you as ‘Kartiga’ in her memory. She was a wonderful, kind-hearted person and it is really too bad that you didn’t get a chance to meet her.
April 2010
I was diagnosed with Herpes Zoster on my left leg and it was the most horrible part of your pregnancy. I remember my fear and horror about whether I would lose you. For the first time, I realised I love you as much as I love your brother Sanju. Till then I had wondered whether I could ever love anyone as much as my dear little Sanju. (Now, he seems so big and you seem like the little one!)
9.6.2010
It is a week since I reached Nani’s house. You are 2 kgs and the second blow has fallen – I have hypothyroidism – diagnosed only now! We all prayed I didn’t have it in the initial trimester when it could have harmed you! However, the doctor assured me that it could have definitely not affected you. Thank God!
2.7.2010
Started to pack the hospital bags.
14.7.2010
The doctor has asked us to fix a date for a planned c-section as your head has not set at all. You are still moving all around my tummy. We decided for 21.7.2010 as advised by the pandit. I was happy as it was my darling brother’s b’day too. On that day, between 6-7 a.m was the time fixed for your delivery.
21.7.2010
That is a whole big another story. Let’s reserve it for the next blog.
17.11.2009
It was the first time Aaru (Aaran Krishna – my second child) showed up as a faint little extra line in the home pregnancy test kit. I was ecstatic. I am going to continue this post as a direct talk to my little dear one.
Dear Aaru,
20.11.2009
You showed up in all your glory. I kept hoping you were a girl. Then a few months later, I wanted you to be a boy. Then towards the end of pregnancy, especially after dad’s granny’s death, I was hoping you would be a girl. Especially because I wanted to name you as ‘Kartiga’ in her memory. She was a wonderful, kind-hearted person and it is really too bad that you didn’t get a chance to meet her.
April 2010
I was diagnosed with Herpes Zoster on my left leg and it was the most horrible part of your pregnancy. I remember my fear and horror about whether I would lose you. For the first time, I realised I love you as much as I love your brother Sanju. Till then I had wondered whether I could ever love anyone as much as my dear little Sanju. (Now, he seems so big and you seem like the little one!)
9.6.2010
It is a week since I reached Nani’s house. You are 2 kgs and the second blow has fallen – I have hypothyroidism – diagnosed only now! We all prayed I didn’t have it in the initial trimester when it could have harmed you! However, the doctor assured me that it could have definitely not affected you. Thank God!
2.7.2010
Started to pack the hospital bags.
14.7.2010
The doctor has asked us to fix a date for a planned c-section as your head has not set at all. You are still moving all around my tummy. We decided for 21.7.2010 as advised by the pandit. I was happy as it was my darling brother’s b’day too. On that day, between 6-7 a.m was the time fixed for your delivery.
21.7.2010
That is a whole big another story. Let’s reserve it for the next blog.
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