Most people who browse through my library at home are
surprised by the number of parenting books that sit on the shelves. Frequently,
I hear the remark, “You read all this? You cannot parent by learning from a
book!” I am happy that they at least realise that parenting is a learning
experience. Maybe, I haven’t learned as much from the books as from experience
but the books have played an invaluable role in shaping me as a parent. Another
school of thought is that there is something wrong with my kids and that I seek
help through the books. Thankfully, these folks never had the guts to say this
to my face or their eyes would have turned as black as their thoughts.
Why does an entrepreneur read books on leadership? Why does
a writer read books on character development and dialogue? Why does a doctor
read his monthly medical journal? Not because they are failures in their field
or lack the knowledge in the technical aspects! They may not even learn much
from the books as what they learn through experience. Still, they read for one
simple reason. The same reason why I turn to parenting books. INSPIRATION.
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When my elder son has lost ten erasers in two weeks of
school or when my younger one has yet again upturned the five kilos of flour, I
tend to lose perspective. I forget why I had decided to have children in the
first place. I take a time-out and sit with one of my favourite parenting
books. Then, I read that almost all toddlers are messy and have no sense of
value and that parents need to have sensible expectations. (Toddler Taming by
Dr Christopher Green) Immediately, my temper seems to ease away and the mass of
mess that awaits me seems manageable. I recall reading about how we can make
play dough at home with flour. I wonder where I read that! Was it in ‘What to
expect in the toddler years’ or was it ‘501 TV – free activities for kids’? By
now, I have completely forgotten about my bad mood. The kids have turned up to
pull me away from my time-out. I accept the apologies and we have a
pleasure-filled day making a huge bulk of clay.
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Parenting was never meant to be the lonely, tiring and
depressive job that it has become today. Earlier, entire villages united to
raise every child. The parents got frequent breaks, the kids were adequately
pampered and parenting counsellors were round every corner. However, now days,
parenting has turned to this challenge that you need to face alone. You are
judged if you leave your kids in day-care or if you have a nanny, especially if
you are a stay-at-home mom. The remarks and judgements are scary and hurtful
that you do not want to seek help.
In case, you decide to seek help from a counsellor for your
kid’s behaviour and your expectations, all hell breaks loose! We are still
living in a society which believes that a person would seek psychological help
only when they are psychotic. This is
just like telling that you need to see a doctor only when you have cancer and
not when you have fever. The mind is such an important part of our body and
when we tweak our parenting thoughts just a little bit at times, the changes in
our kid’s behaviour are tremendous.
It is here that these books are such a blessing. They cannot
judge you, they do not talk behind your back and they lend you a sympathetic
shoulder and say, “I understand what you are going through but think of that
little being whose whole world revolves around you. Respect him, love him and
see the world through his eyes.” They show us the world through their eyes.
Sometimes, I have received the greatest of parenting advice
from the fiction I read. Doris Lessing (Nobel Prize Laureate) has written many
wonderful books but the greatest one among them, according to me, is ‘The Fifth
Child’. It is definitely not a book for the faint hearted. However, she
beautifully shows us that the greatest gift we can give our kids is to accept
them as they are and love them in spite of what they are. This is the toughest
challenge for parents but we can do it. Thanks to all the lovely books that
will inspire and motivate us on the way!
