Standing up for Anna

Currently, I can sense this growing trend of the two brothers teaming up with each other against me. A few days back, S asked me if I would pack up his school bag with the timetable for the next day. I told him 'No'. A immediately came to me with his hands on the hips and said, "Why can't you keep S's timetable? He is tired and you can't even do that." Though the ulterior motive was to get to play on the PS3 sooner, it was touching to see the 4 year old fighting for his elder brother that I did eventually agree to do it. This standing-up-for-Anna thing has been happening quite frequently now days.

"Why can't you let S play for some more time on the PS3?"

"Why can't S do less homework today?"

"Why can't S have another chocolate?"

"Why can't you read another story to S?"

Mostly, there are certain ulterior motives attached to the demand. For instance, the extra story can be enjoyed by A too. Still the gullible S keeps thinking it's all for his sake. Needless to say, S is basking in all this support. There is a popular Tamil saying,'Thambi udaiyaan padaiku anjaan.' 'A man with a younger brother needn't fear any of life's battles.'

Guess, it is true!

I gave your stuff away... (Poem)

I gave all your stuff away...
The toys with which you used to play,
The board books we reread everyday,
The blue rocker on which you loved to sway,
The purple stroller on which you lay,
The feeding chair from which you couldn't run away,
I gave them all away today.

When you are back from school,
I don't think you will be cool
that I gave all your stuff away.
Believe me, when I say,
you no longer need them anyway.
It is time to give them away.

You may worry whether they found a good home
I am sure you don't want them broken or alone.
That's why I gave them to kids
who are poor, lonely and on meds.
They have no one to love or be loved.

Believe me, when I say,
your work is not done anyway.
Do you think just this stuff will make their day?
Promise me, my little dear,
you will hold their hand when they are in fear.
Rock them on your blue rocker when they shed a tear.
Read them a story and keep them near.

Do it not for duty and definitely not for charity.
Do it because God made the world round
What goes around comes around.
Believe me, my little darling,
Do it... do it for yourself!
CopyrightArchanaSarat2014

Best Laid Plans???

Two weeks of the summer holidays are up and while I was hoping to get a breather when they are enjoying/learning at some workshops, it just didn't happen so! At the last minute, Aaru decided that summer camps are not as much fun as chilling out at home and Sanju decided that hindi and handwriting are not things to do in the holidays. However, we all did lots of cool stuff together and I realised the summer is not so bad after all. Here are some of the activities we did:

1) Thermocol sheet

The best toy you can give a toddler costs just 30 bucks and provides endless hours of fun.

Aaru painted on it, stuck stickers on it, poked it with toothpicks...

He landscaped it. This is a tree created by him...

 

Now, this is the tough-to-imagine one... It is a hammock with a mother and baby and Aaru has offered juice to the baby. This thermocol sheet is such a versatile thing and we are not done with it yet.

2) A Doodling Robot

 

Sanju and Sarat spent a few hours working on this and it is beautiful...

 

 

 

 
 
 
 


3) Open Deck Bus Trip

This was one of the best ideas I had this summer. Thanks to mycity4kids. The kids absolutely loved this. The trip can be availed of on weekend evenings from Gateway of India.

 

It was so much fun viewing familiar spots from atop a bus with the banyan roots sweeping on us at times. And we topped the fun with midnight tea at Marine Drive and a beautiful lit-up view of the Gateway after that.

 

4) Kidzania

 

While this place was not nearly as much fun for toddlers, it is most suitable for 7 - 13 year olds. Sanju had a blast.He tried his hand at his most favourite field - construction.

 

 

Aaru decided to try his hand at making his most favourite snack - Chocos.

 

 

 

 

Apart from this, they became journalists, fire fighters, police, pottery artisans, courier boys and so much more. It was a great experience.

 

5) Sea snails at Kelwa Beach

 

 

 

These beautiful little creatures kept getting washed into the shore and they waited to get back into the sea again with the next wave. It was a big challenge for the kids to tread on the shore carefully without stamping on these snails as it was littered with dozens of them.

 



 

 

Kelwa Beach, by itself, was a wonderful experience for all of us as the resort had no TV, Wifi, AC and it was the first time we had been to a place without all this stuff and still remained completely occupied. Even I was surprised to find that the fresh beach air can top even the best air-conditioner. It was so chilly at night and we enjoyed it.

 

Most of the stuff we have done till now were unplanned or planned within a few hours. All the plans for drama classes, handwriting classes, etc have been abandoned (though it was planned by them at the beginning!) and I have taken a resolution not to force anything (even their own decisions) upon them this summer, except maybe fun and my company! ;)

 





 

Holiday Plans

April has begun. The holiday season is about to begin. Mercifully, there is still one more week of half-day school before the tsunami hits. So, I can gear up!

Project : Keeping my sons (Sanju 8years & Aaru 3 years) usefully and happily occupied

Duration: 2 months :(

Challenges: TV, Tab, Computer

Biggest Challenge: My maid and cook are taking a one month break as soon as the holidays start.

Brief Respite: Trip to Grandparent's house (though they need to be kept occupied there too!)

Activities planned till now:

All these activities are what the kids have planned for themselves. I gave them this mind map (Sanju's school has taught them mind maps as 'spider diagrams' and he loves them.) He ticked a few of the activities on them, cancelled a few and added few more of his own. Aaru is ready to jump into whatever his brother does and then, he thinks over whether he wants to continue or not. Yes, he attended some three classes of chess before deciding to give it up.

1. Casio classes through home tutor (for both)
2. Drawing classes by yours truly (for both)
3. Tennis coaching (for Sanju)
4. Creative Writing sessions by yours truly (with Sanju)
5. Chess Classes to continue (for Sanju)
6. Cuddly Reading sessions thrice a day (with both)
7. Hindi classes through home tutor (reading, grammar & vocabulary - nothing rote/boring) (Sanju)
8. Dance classes (for Aaru) (He has been yearning for it!)
9. Decoupage workshop by yours truly (with both)

The Hindi classes are something that he wouldn't vote for but he has learnt to take it in his stride. Given a choice, he would like to remove Hindi from his syllabus. Now, these are some things I am pushing towards him. He may or may not take it up. Let's see...

1. Handwriting classes/ sessions with me
2. Speech & Drama workshop (for 10 days)
3. A two week comprehensive summer camp for Aaru (It has art, craft and dancing!)

One thing that Sanju was really looking forward to this summer was to attend a Lego Robotics Workshop. Sadly, the dates for it were finalised after I booked my tickets and it falls in that period. I cheered him up by getting him a Robotic Kit, though it is definitely a poor consolation to his disappointment.

Things already procured:
1. Crayons & drawing books (both)
2. Shell craft kit (Sanju)
3. Decorative Candle making kit (Sanju)
4. Library membership for both
5. Robotic kit (Sanju)
6. Decoupage materials (both)
7. Mould and Paint (Aaru)
8. Mapology (a jigsaw puzzle of Indian states) (Aaru)


Things needed:
1. Part time help for housework
2. Patience when you hear "I'm bored!"
3. Tolerance for mess
4. Smiles
5. Energy (I must not forget to take my Eltroxin and Iron tablets everyday!)
6. Strong-will not to use the TV as my baby sitter

Things we might do
1. A make it yourself costume party for their friends with snacks and a movie
2. Some cooking sessions with them both
3. A trip to Kidzania
4. all the movies they want to watch

As I write down this list, I am filled with a little hope. Things may not be so bad after all! Maybe, I wouldn't even notice the two months whizzing past.
.

Parenting by the Book

Most people who browse through my library at home are surprised by the number of parenting books that sit on the shelves. Frequently, I hear the remark, “You read all this? You cannot parent by learning from a book!” I am happy that they at least realise that parenting is a learning experience. Maybe, I haven’t learned as much from the books as from experience but the books have played an invaluable role in shaping me as a parent. Another school of thought is that there is something wrong with my kids and that I seek help through the books. Thankfully, these folks never had the guts to say this to my face or their eyes would have turned as black as their thoughts.

Why does an entrepreneur read books on leadership? Why does a writer read books on character development and dialogue? Why does a doctor read his monthly medical journal? Not because they are failures in their field or lack the knowledge in the technical aspects! They may not even learn much from the books as what they learn through experience. Still, they read for one simple reason. The same reason why I turn to parenting books. INSPIRATION.

 

When my elder son has lost ten erasers in two weeks of school or when my younger one has yet again upturned the five kilos of flour, I tend to lose perspective. I forget why I had decided to have children in the first place. I take a time-out and sit with one of my favourite parenting books. Then, I read that almost all toddlers are messy and have no sense of value and that parents need to have sensible expectations. (Toddler Taming by Dr Christopher Green) Immediately, my temper seems to ease away and the mass of mess that awaits me seems manageable. I recall reading about how we can make play dough at home with flour. I wonder where I read that! Was it in ‘What to expect in the toddler years’ or was it ‘501 TV – free activities for kids’? By now, I have completely forgotten about my bad mood. The kids have turned up to pull me away from my time-out. I accept the apologies and we have a pleasure-filled day making a huge bulk of clay.

 

Parenting was never meant to be the lonely, tiring and depressive job that it has become today. Earlier, entire villages united to raise every child. The parents got frequent breaks, the kids were adequately pampered and parenting counsellors were round every corner. However, now days, parenting has turned to this challenge that you need to face alone. You are judged if you leave your kids in day-care or if you have a nanny, especially if you are a stay-at-home mom. The remarks and judgements are scary and hurtful that you do not want to seek help.

In case, you decide to seek help from a counsellor for your kid’s behaviour and your expectations, all hell breaks loose! We are still living in a society which believes that a person would seek psychological help only when they are psychotic.  This is just like telling that you need to see a doctor only when you have cancer and not when you have fever. The mind is such an important part of our body and when we tweak our parenting thoughts just a little bit at times, the changes in our kid’s behaviour are tremendous.

It is here that these books are such a blessing. They cannot judge you, they do not talk behind your back and they lend you a sympathetic shoulder and say, “I understand what you are going through but think of that little being whose whole world revolves around you. Respect him, love him and see the world through his eyes.” They show us the world through their eyes.

Sometimes, I have received the greatest of parenting advice from the fiction I read. Doris Lessing (Nobel Prize Laureate) has written many wonderful books but the greatest one among them, according to me, is ‘The Fifth Child’. It is definitely not a book for the faint hearted. However, she beautifully shows us that the greatest gift we can give our kids is to accept them as they are and love them in spite of what they are. This is the toughest challenge for parents but we can do it. Thanks to all the lovely books that will inspire and motivate us on the way!

When will I stop comparing!!!

Today, I lost my cool on my 7 year old again. While I went for a shower in the morning rush hours, I asked him to complete his breakfast and wear his shoes. His school van is expected in 20 minutes. After 15 minutes, the first sight that caught my eye as I stepped out of the bathroom was him looking out of the window towards the horizon lost in his dreams. The breakfast was lying on the table untouched. He hadn't worn his shoes. And, I burst. "See your classmate, Prakhar. He gets ready for school by himself. He packs his bag by himself. He eats whatever his mummy sends him in the tiffin and you..." This charade went on and on till he was packed off in the school van. Later, after peace descended on me, I wondered what got into me. Shakespeare called 'jealousy' as a green eyed monster, but for me this concept of 'comparison' is my red eyed monster. It eats up all my relationships and hurts all those who love me. It is my relationship pac-man. When I was a kid, the whine was like this, "Daddy, her father has bought her this pencil box with switches and buttons. Why don't you get me one?" "Mummy, his mother allows him to stay up late at night. Why not me?" Then, it turned to... "Mummy, you don't scold him (my brother!) for anything but you always scold me for everything. You love him more than you love me!" Slowly, it started extending towards others too... "Did you see how English ma'am smiled at her? She never smiles at me like that!" "He scored more marks than me. I'm sure he must have cheated." "She got a star in her record book. Her mother must have drawn it for her." Yes, it was getting nasty but the worst is yet to come...I turned a teenager! "Everyone has a cellphone. You have bought one for our driver too but you cannot get me one. I am the only one in my college who doesn't have one. I feel so ashamed!" "Oooh... her mother is so cool. She allows her to bunk college, go out for movies, date guys and you are so boring. You are antique!" Then I got married. "Her husband loves her so much. He agrees to whatever she says." "He has bought her a solitaire." "He surprised her with flowers for no reason at all!" If you analyse the above statements made to my husband, there are no crude comparisons made. I have now gained finesse in this 'comparison' game. The question is unsaid but it hovers in the background... "Why not you?" Now, this pathetic habit of mine is starting to engulf my kids too. "His book is so well maintained. Why not yours?" "Her handwriting is so beautiful but you..." "Why have you not got a star in your worksheet like others?" "Look at how other kids are interested in dance, music, sports! You are only interested in planting your bum on the couch opposite the television!" These statements look so bad now that I have written them. I promised myself that * I will hug my little one and apologise to him once he's back home from school today and * I will watch my words and thoughts to make sure I don't allow this monster to raise it's head again. I'll keep you posted on how well this goes. Wish me luck!

Birth of A Brother

I remember, I think this must be my earliest memory, walking down the lane of my rental house holding a pillow in one hand and clutching my father’s hand with the other. My father had some rolled up bedding in his other arm. He walked jauntily announcing to the entire world that his wife has just delivered a son and that we were off to the hospital to be along with the mother and baby.

I don‘t remember the stay there or the fact that I named my brother ‘Aravind’, but I do remember having at least 4 Aravinds in my Junior KG class. So, it must be true. I must have named him. Not just that, he owes his birth to me. Let me tell you the story.

We were on the first floor of an old rental apartment and there were another half-dozen houses there apart from the landlord who resided on the ground floor. I was a lonely four-year old.

So, secretly, I used to pray to God everyday to give me either an elder sister like Ammu or a younger brother. I never wanted an elder brother who might bash me up or a younger sister who would snatch my lovely beads and dresses. Since God couldn’t turn back time, he satisfied my latter wish.

So, my brother owes me two things – his birth and his name!

My First and Last Experiment with Snuff

My parents lived in the first floor of an old small rental apartment in Chennai during my early childhood. There were around 10 other families around us apart from the landlord who lived in the ground floor.

One of the families were a bunch of Anglo-Indians. I loved to go there and play with the ‘Akka’(means ‘elder sister’ in Tamil) there. Her family seemed huge with a Granny, a dozen brothers (or so it seemed to me!), a half-dozen sisters, a harassed mother and not-so-easily-noticeable father. Akka was the person who introduced me to Chess. She taught me the game and I loved it! I haunted her house often to enjoy a game of chess with her. Whenever I play this game, till now, her memory flits across my mind. She was the kindest person I had come across. Secretly, I used to pray to God to make her my very own elder sister.

Once, when I had gone to her house to pester her for another game of chess, she had gone out and only Granny was in the house. Granny had this small cylindrical box in her skirt pocket that she used to bring out often. She used to open the box and take a pinch of something out of it and sniff her pinched finger. Then she used to open her mouth wide and exclaim “Aaarrghhh..” as if she was in the ecstasies of pleasure.



Since no one was around that day, I went up to granny and asked her, “what is in this box?”

“Snuff,” she said.

“Can I see it?” I asked.

“Ok but don’t drop it.”

I opened the box as delicately as possible and peeped inside. I was disappointed. It was just some dark-coloured powder inside.

“Want to try it?” Granny asked. Her eyes sparked mischief. I nodded my head. She took a small pinch of the powder and placed it in my palms.

“Sniff it in now,” she said.

I did just what she asked and then it started.

“Atchooo… Atchooo… ATCHOOO… Atch.. Atch… ATCHOOO….” The sneezes were beyond the control of my 7 year old self and the laughter was beyond the control of the 70 year old. Sometimes, I still hear that loud raucous laughter in my dreams.




Akka entered just then with her mother.

“Granny, what have you done?” Akka seemed really angry.

“I don’t know. She only wanted to try it,” Granny said.

Akka looked at me and I could only sneeze twice more in reply. Conversation was beyond my capacity.

I was given a glass of water and packed off home. I didn’t breathe a word of this incident to anyone. (In fact, this blog entry is going to be a shocking revelation to my parents!)

Years later, we moved into our own house in the tallest high rise building in Chennai at that time. Akka and Granny became distant memories.

Recently, I met Akka again at the Gynecologist. I was 8 months pregnant with my second child and Akka was so happy for me. Sadly, she was married but childless. God is unfair at times! He does test people’s faith. I remembered the love Akka used to shower on all of us kids and prayed to God to bless her with a child soon.

My Pen (Poetry)

Hour upon hour, I perspire
to write something to inspire.
My world sure does conspire
to get my pen to retire.
See the household's mire!

No Nanny is on hire.
Fresh diapers the twins require.
I have to start the cooking fire,
fix the toy car's tire
and volunteer to create a society flier.
I take my daughter to practice for choir,
send off charity in the wire
and bake desserts for hubby's desire.

My pen calls out in dire.
It asks for writing to admire.
It may be the time of vampire
but I pick up the pen from the pyre.
Finally, I respire.

- Archana Sarat
Copyright Archana Sarat 2011

Phon(y)ics!!!

Last week, I attended a phonics workshop in my son's school and I was in for quite a shock. They welcomed us with a printed sheet containing around 100 words and I thought, 'Sanju knows a few of these and he can surely master the rest before the year is over!' However, what a surprise to know that those 100 words were just for the month of August and there is much more to follow in the coming months!

Me and Sanju sit down to study nearly everyday and I have always prided on the fact (fiction, actually!) that Sanju is ahead of the class. But, sadly, that is not so. This wouldn't have troubled me so much if all the kids were sailing in the same boat. Again, that is not so. A handful of the class seem to absolutely smart and they could call out all the words from the sheet even before the teacher explains them. Not only that, they could spell out the current month 'July' and the day 'Friday'. I could have fainted!

Hmmm... I felt sad. Firstly, I never learnt phonics in my school days. Secondly, I am trying hard to teach the stuff to my clever son. Thirdly, I didn't do a very good job on how it was to be taught. It was all my fault that he wasn't among those handful of smart kids. (Thankfully, the third problem is solved now due to the workshop!)

Later, once sense started to prevail, I wondered how I too got caught in this competitive fast train! Why should my son be ahead of his class?

But as I typed that question above, I also wonder, 'I know he has it in him, isn't it wrong if I don't lead him to it?'

Gosh! It's tough being a mother! Somebody help me!

Marriage Woes of a 5-year old

The other day, me and hubby were watching the movie 'The Father of the Bride' and there comes this really emotional scene where the father is in tears thinking of his daughter leaving his home after marriage.

Sanju, my five-year old son, entered just then and I made a casual remark, "Sanju, I think even I'll cry when you get married."

"Why?" He asked.

"Coz. you will leave me and I will miss you," I said and gave him a hug. I promptly forgot all about the matter.

About two hours later, when I was about to take a nap, my son entered the room in tears. Since he had just recently got staples on his chin and head (from two separate consecutive injuries, by the way!) I was very concerned.

Me: What happened, dear?
Sanju: (too choked with tears that he couldn't speak for sometime) I... I...
Me: What? Did you hurt yourself?
Sanju: No, I am sad.
Me: Why?
Sanju: Because I have to leave you after I get married...
Me and hubby burst out laughing in relief and wonder.
Me: No, darling, you don't have to leave me unless you want to...
Sanju: I don't want to.
Me: Then you don't have to leave me. We will all live together.
Sanju: I have an idea.
Me: hmmm.. tell me..
Sanju: I will marry you. Then we can both be happy together and I can be with you always!
Me: Okay. Thats a great idea!
Hubby: Sanju loves you a lot!
Me: Let's see after another 20 years!

A Stay-at-home Mother's Lament

Dear Folks who think SAHMs have it all,

I need to write this today…now…this moment… before I finally lose the last strand of sanity left in me. I am a Stay-at-home Mom (SAHM) for the last six years. I have two sons – one is 5 years and the other is 7 months.

I had a life before these six years in which I was a Chartered Accountant, who passed out in first attempt with flying colours. Not only was I a school topper, I was also a rank holder in the Madras University. Apart from all those academics, I had scores of cups and medals won in elocution competitions, debates, etc. conducted all over the Chennai city. I have taken part in innumerable dance shows in my school. I was the anchor for nearly every programme conducted in my school during my last three years there. I am the pet of all my school, college & CA teachers. I was the school captain. I played the veena as a hobby. I did yoga and aerobics for years before marriage. I am a self-taught artist who always had a project running and who has stopped work on canvas only these last few years because I wasn’t sure how safe oil paints are for my infant and toddler. And the best part is I did all this before I turned 22.

Still I dropped everything and got married at 22. Nope, I didn’t regret it! I thought it was another new adventure and sailed along happily getting accustomed to a new place, new family, new language, new rules (or maybe, I should say ‘no rules!’), new guy and even, new food! Before it could all even sink in, I found myself pregnant! And how… the morning sickness hit me real bad and I was throwing up all the time. And along with the vomit, my hopes and dreams for a career went down into the sink.

And then the baby came. However, much before that, I decided that this little darling was just too precious to leave in the hands of an ayah or a crèche, even if a grand parent is going to babysit along with help. Well, folks, remember something. A grandparent is just that…a grandparent and they can never ever replace a parent or what a parent can do! No, I do not blame them. They have done their duty and it is over. Expecting them to parent again is neither fair to them nor helpful to your child. I personally know three people who were brought up by their grandparents during childhood and all with disastrous consequences now. Sorry, I was not going to do that.

So, I stayed home.

People called me LAZY. Can you believe that? Here I am running behind a toddler 24x7 along with feeding an infant who loves to nurse from 12 to 7 continuously every night and they have the guts to call me ‘lazy’.

They tell me I am getting fat, have a tummy and should EXERCISE. Thanks, folks, for the insight. I do have a mirror at home. If you can babysit for an hour or at least sponsor a maid who will babysit for an hour (by the way, she charges Rs 600 for an hour which my poor hubby cannot afford!), I am ready to turn even cartwheels for you. But I will do it right in front of your eyes only. My kids are too precious to leave in anyone’s care.

Also, when you have your stomach cut open twice, it does leave its mark in the form a misshapen lump of flesh. Ask any gynaec if you don’t believe me. Then, how do film stars flaunt bikinis even after c-sections? They have money, time, babysitters, personal trainers and car drivers to take them to VLCC and back. I don’t have any of this. I can barely make ends meet. Forget all this crap.

Now, all of you people know that I am married. Why not ask my hubby to look after the kids for an hour every morning while I go for a walk? Nope, his time is too precious. In case he does wake up on some particular morning, then he would head for the gym. “I am working… busy all day… no time… you are at home only… you can exercise any time you like! Maybe when the elder one is off to school and the lil one is asleep…” ha..ha.. that one hour is all I have to have breakfast, a bath, dust and clean, pick up toys, prepare infant food, make calls, prepare for my son’s evening study session, get any favorite foods demanded by him ready and work on my writing project (by the way, did I mention that for the last five years, I am a freelance writer who works from home?)? Till 10, I am too busy to have breakfast and if I miss lunch at 12, then I cannot eat till 3. So, I never get a chance to eat when I am hungry with the result that slowly my gastronomic juices have started playing havoc on my digestion. That’s a totally different story! Lets get back to what we were handling here! I remember my yesteryears when dawn meant aerobics and dusk meant yoga. I loved it, pals. So, believe me… it is not out of choice that I don’t exercise.

Some others ask me, with disgust in their voice, WHAT DO YOU DO AT HOME THE ENTIRE DAY? HOW DOES YOUR TIME PASS? ‘Where is the time to pass?’ I wonder. My typical day is just so busy that before I realize the next day is here. Okay, let me tell you…

6.45 am - I realize I am still feeding Aaru. My back aches from the last 8 hours of being continually hunched up in sleeping cum feeding position. I slowly and painfully get up and out of bed and pop in the Eltroxin. (those rare days when I forget to pop in my hypothyroid tablets, I am in deep trouble - tired, dull & teary)The lil one gives me a huge grin. ‘Finally, mommy’s up and into her arms I go.’

I put him down in his crib with his toys and get the milk ready for my elder one. He’s got to leave by 8.30 for school. The maid rings the bell and I send a silent prayer up to God for bringing this woman into the world. Actually, for me, she is God-send. Though she costs a bomb on our little salary, I would rather die of starvation than ask her to leave. She starts getting breakfast and lunch ready. My hubby carries home-cooked food.

My elder one, Sanju, has this whiny morning tantrums for milk, brushing teeth, having bath, breakfast and all. I have the principle of not allowing him to cry before leaving for school. (Mostly, it is the younger one who cries his head off this entire hour pleading for attention which none of us have time to give.) So, the morning routine stretches and Sanju needs a total one hour for the entire process – milk, brush teeth, bath, moisturizer, sunscreen, uniform, breakfast, potty, hair combing, kissing mom and off with dad. Dad has this bus to catch and many times, he has no time to leave Sanju. “Go with the maid,” he tells him and runs off without hearing his son’s protests.

Sometimes, Sanju just bursts into tears and wants only mummy to go with him. So, I run inside, change into tracks and kurti and rush to drop him at school taking Aaru on the hips with me.

9.00 am – I am back home and Aaru is ravenous. Thankfully, I had got his food ready as I was preparing Sanju’s milk early in the morning. I feed him and put him down to explore the world. I suddenly remember I have neither brushed my teeth nor had anything to drink since morning. I set that right and Aaru cries for sleep. I give him a massage, bathe him and feed him to sleep.

10.00 am – I go for a bath feverishly wishing that Aaru doesn’t wake up while I am in the loo. Is the other bathroom door closed? Did I leave the eltroxin bottle on the bed? What if he wakes up and starts exploring? These thoughts are enough to get me out of the bathroom in three minutes. If there is a Guinness record for the fastest bath, I need to be awarded that.

He is still sleeping and this is a good day. I switch on my antique laptop to complete the writing deadline for the day. It is awfully slow and before it starts up, I complete all the tasks I had mentioned above. (….dust and clean, pick up toys, prepare infant food, make calls, prepare for my son’s evening study session, get any favorite foods demanded by him ready…) maybe I write around 100 words before my son is up! (Remember, this is a good day!)

11.30 am Lunch for Aaru followed by lunch for me.

12.45 pm Sanju is back home and I take him into the bathroom for a wash. That is followed by Sanju’s lunch followed by half hour of television for him.

1.30 to 2.00 I put Aaru to sleep and might slip away myself into 15 minutes of coma.

2.00 to 3.00 (Good day, again!) I work on the comp, Sanju plays in his room and Aaru is deeply asleep.

3.00 to 4.00 Sanju’s homework cum study time.

4.00 to 5.30 We read books, play, talk about the world, discuss about friends, have some snacks (healthy, hopefully!) and get ready to go down to the park below the apartment.

5.30 to 7.00 The boys are having a blast while I am running around trying to make sure Sanju is safe, doesn’t run into vehicles or fall down from the swing. I sort out quarrels atop the sliding board and act like a policeman for the entire time. I am so drained out by the end of this.

7.00 to 8.00 Dinnertime. I really have a hard time in the evening convincing the boys to eat.

8.30 p.m onwards Sanju is off to sleep and sometimes, Aaru dozes off too. However, Sanju won’t be up till 7.30 the next morning unless he is sick but Aaru just won’t be down for more than half-hour without his mummy. I feed him – he sleeps – up again – feed again – sleep again - up again and it goes on till I go to bed myself. Meanwhile, hubby comes, has dinner, and watches TV. We chat for sometime till he realizes that I have gone to sleep with eyes open once again. We are off to bed and Aaru is happy to have his pacifier beside him for the entire night. I have a chill sleeping the entire night with the buttons open.

Trust me, folks, this is a good day. Put in a doctor visit for immunizations, baby with fever, Sanju in vomiting fit or Aaru in teething woes and the schedule gets crazy.

I know there are some super women who manage this entire mothering job along with another full-time career in place. Hats off to those super women! However, I am not one and cannot be one physically and emotionally. I don’t trust anyone (little skeptical of hubby too!) when it comes to looking after my kids. My life might seem to be stuck in a rut to you but I am enjoying these years. I might be able to get back on a career but would a working mother ever get back her kid’s childhood?

Today, I am super cranky because someone gave me a few suggestions yesterday. Let me quote the exact words, “I think you should have worked at least for sometime after marriage,” “you should decide these things (i.e. whether I should work or not) only after consulting with hubby,” etc. So, if my hubby wants me to work, I should whether I and my kids want it or not. Is that what you mean? And what is this about sometime after marriage – I got pregnant within a month of being married… do you suggest I should have been on a job for 20 days to add value to my resume! Women’s independence is still lacking in this country if she does not have the freedom to decide whether she wants to work or not.

A SAHM is a lonely person whose conversations revolve around imaginary dinosaurs and nursery rhymes. She doesn’t study balance sheets but analyzes diapers checking out for indigestion symptoms. She has drool and spit-up all over her clothes. She has traded her salon haircut for a ponytail and her designer handbag for a heavy diaper bag. Her self-esteem shakes like a jelly when she sees people wearing ironed cotton clothes and high heels. Her confidence is pretty low as she is still not so sure how God trusted her with two little kids. She is not perfect. She is only a mother!

When you are on a job, you are thanked for your help, cheered for your achievements and appreciated for your efforts. A SAHM never hears the words ‘Sorry,’ ‘Thank you,’ or ‘Please’. The baby never says, “Thanks for changing my diaper” nor does the toddler say, “Thanks for that trip to the park where I threw sand on your hair.” Still we persevere.

Again, the rewards are invisible. The baby still trips and hurts himself. The toddler still throws tantrums and the house is still far from clean. They say that some day in future the kids would turn up right because I am there for them now. In that hope, we wait for the day to pass.

I have spoken too much. It is time to end it with one last statement.

We, Stay-at-home Mothers, are so fragile. Please don’t shatter us!

Aaru on Solids

My elder son, Sanju, was a darling when it came to food. He had his own favourite choices but he would eat when it was put before him. But the second one has a mind of his own when it comes to food. According to him, meals are over-rated. I just made a list of all the ways in which he is unlike his brother:

1. He refuses to sit on his high chair and prefers mummy's hip as the best place to have a meal.

2. He needs continuous live entertainment during his meals. He prefers a non-stop repetitive rendition of '1...2...Buckle my shoe' especially during meals involving veggies.

3. He prefers the plain Cerelac Rice and cannot understand why in the world he can't have it more than once a day!

4. He has perfected the art of shaking his head 'no' and loves to perform especially when mummy hovers a spoon in front of his face.

5. All said and done, he just does not understand why he should have any other food when he can have the great perfect yummy mummy milk that also gives him a chance to snuggle close to her. Boo to solids!

So, you can now understand what a tough job each meal is proving to be.

Should I say "Keep your hands off!"?

Aaru is down with a cold. He is slightly warm to touch and his voice has also changed a bit. Courtesy - my maid! She had fever, cough and throat pain but couldn't keep her hands off Aaru. She loves both the kids a lot and I didn't want her to feel bad. So, I tried not to say anything much to her. Since she never kisses the kids or anything, I thought it would be okay but I was wrong! He has caught it now!

Surprisingly, this time, my hubby demanded why I hadn't asked her to 'keep her hands off the baby'when she had a cold. I am surprised because when the source is the maid, he reacts so but when the source of infection might be a friend, neighbour or relative, his reaction immediately changes. He asks me not to offend them!!!

This poor maid who toils all day in my house so that I can have some peace to look after the kids, who loves the kids so, accompanies us to doctor visits and gives me a hand when I need help with the baby seems to me to be a far more important person than everyone else put together. In fact, I am sure right in not offending her by asking her to not pick up Aaru.

Its okay, Aaru, put up with your cold. T-minic syrup will save the day. If it gets worse, there is Ascovent and our Dr. Potnis. (And to visit him, once again, we need our maid. Dad's too busy in office!)

An endnote: Folks who read this... please keep your hands off any baby whenever you have a cold or any other sickness. Also, don't handle baby without washing your hands or using a sanitiser. And, please don't get offended when someone suggests that you use one before handling their child.

Life's Questions...

In the death camps of Nazi Germany, Victor Frankyl learned to ask himself the question,
'what is it that life is asking of me?'
instead of
'what is it I want from life?'

As I read these words in the book, 'Living the 7 Habits' by Stephen R. Covey, my mind paused a second and I wondered upon this question. I could think of a few things that life has asked of me - most of which I ignored, blaming the circumstances.

Then my phone beeped. It was an sms,
'An Essential Writing Trait: Perseverance. Maintain a purpose in spite of difficulty, obstacles, or discouragement.'

Sounds good! Ok! But what is it that life is asking of me? The first thing that popped to my mind was 'rearing my two sons in such a way that they are physically cherished, mentally fit, emotionally nurtured and socially skilled'. Not an easy job for any mother. Still somehow, I have never felt satisfied with only that single role of 'mother'. I have always wanted to do something else too. But what?I know I will go to a job in another 3 years. What should that job be? Lets see the options:

1. Should I join as a CA in some company? Or
2. Shall I start my own firm? Or
3. What about trying to crack the civil services? (a long-term dream) or
4. How about a career in marketing/copywriting? (I have a few years experience in this and love the job).

As I pondered on all this, the thought nagged me - 'why don't you continue with what you are doing now - writing?' and then the questions start,

Am I any good in what I am doing?
Will I earn anything via this?
Isn't this good only as a hobby?
What right do I have to call myself as a writer without having even a single published book to my name?

Then slowly a voice hushes all my concerns. "You write because you want to do it. It is not for the money, fame or status. It is just an urgent need to talk out loud about what is going on in your head. Just do what you want to and everything else will follow in its own time," it says.

Anyways, I have another 3 years before I take the decision. Till then, I can only write...

Emotional Blackmail

Yesterday, Sanju watched too much television. I lost my patience and punished him – “no TV for a day!”

Obviously, he was upset…he tried to reason with me to no avail. So, he decided to try some emotional blackmail, “You don’t love me anymore! You love only Aaru.”

For a fraction of a second, I became disturbed but quickly I turned around and told him, “That is not going to work with me. I know and you know that I love you lots but that doesn’t mean I am not going to correct your faults. And just because you make such statements, I am not going to get upset.”

And you know what he did? He grinned impishly. He understood these emotional tricks are not going to work with me anymore.

Kids! OMG!

A Little Summary of the Last Month

Aaru

Lots of thrilling happenings...

25.10.2010 Rolled over for the first time
30.10.2010 Attended a party for the first time (Vineesh's Bday party). Seemed to actually enjoy the proceedings. Was not perturbed by the screaming kids, blasting balloons or even the shrieking music.
31.10.2010 Laughed out loud for the first time. It was so funny to see that!

Sanju

Seems to start on a case of Sibling Jealousy...

* If I scold him, he asks me if I still love him? Then, why do I scold him?
* Why is the baby taking up so much of my time?, etc.
* Becoming tooo mischievous
* Refusing to be anywhere without me
* Not even attending evening classes

But loves n adores Aaru too...

For example, when I was scolding Aaru after another sleepless nights, he tried to pacify my grumpling by calmly explaining to me...

"Mom, babies don't know anything. Some of these babies are tough to manage. So, please don't scold Aaru."
Isn't that sweet?

Now I know why I shouldn't start work again so soon!

Now I know why I shouldn't start work again so soon!

I was ecstatic when I started on this small temporary project a couple of weeks ago. The deadline for the same was the 8th and I was making progress perfectly.

By the 7th, I had done around 80% of the work and was planning to complete the balance in the next 2 days. How optimistic this sounds!!! The blow struck and how:

6th Night 12.30 a.m- Sanju is bawling. He has too many mouth ulcers and they are paining like crazy.
7th Morning 8.00 a.m- Aaru is due for Triple Antigen. Decided to show Sanju to the doc too. Sanju diagnosed with Hand, Foot & Mouth disease. (Got it from school where an epidemic of this disease is going on) Doctor says there is a high risk that Aaru may catch it from Sanju too. (I am still crossing my fingers that this doesn’t happen!)
7th Entire Day- Sanju crying while Aaru is down with fever because of the shots.
8th Morning 7.30 a.m- Hubby unable to get up from bed – severe dizziness…
8th Morning 10.30a.m- Doctor rushed home and diagnosed a mild(?!) case of Vertigo. Hubby unable to get out of bed for the next 3 days.

So, what did I do? Quit? Nope. I completed the project as promised and dispatched it on time. It was tough to do that but I had no choice. I feel that once I promise that a work will go through, there is no choice but to make sure it happens even if it means I have to give up sleep.

I am not only a writer but I have also employed writers before and it did irritate me immensely when a writer wanted the deadlines to be extended. Maybe that is why, I did not want to do the same!

Anyway, it is done and over with now and I am pretty excited to see my name in print once again!