Standing up for Anna

Currently, I can sense this growing trend of the two brothers teaming up with each other against me. A few days back, S asked me if I would pack up his school bag with the timetable for the next day. I told him 'No'. A immediately came to me with his hands on the hips and said, "Why can't you keep S's timetable? He is tired and you can't even do that." Though the ulterior motive was to get to play on the PS3 sooner, it was touching to see the 4 year old fighting for his elder brother that I did eventually agree to do it. This standing-up-for-Anna thing has been happening quite frequently now days.

"Why can't you let S play for some more time on the PS3?"

"Why can't S do less homework today?"

"Why can't S have another chocolate?"

"Why can't you read another story to S?"

Mostly, there are certain ulterior motives attached to the demand. For instance, the extra story can be enjoyed by A too. Still the gullible S keeps thinking it's all for his sake. Needless to say, S is basking in all this support. There is a popular Tamil saying,'Thambi udaiyaan padaiku anjaan.' 'A man with a younger brother needn't fear any of life's battles.'

Guess, it is true!

I gave your stuff away... (Poem)

I gave all your stuff away...
The toys with which you used to play,
The board books we reread everyday,
The blue rocker on which you loved to sway,
The purple stroller on which you lay,
The feeding chair from which you couldn't run away,
I gave them all away today.

When you are back from school,
I don't think you will be cool
that I gave all your stuff away.
Believe me, when I say,
you no longer need them anyway.
It is time to give them away.

You may worry whether they found a good home
I am sure you don't want them broken or alone.
That's why I gave them to kids
who are poor, lonely and on meds.
They have no one to love or be loved.

Believe me, when I say,
your work is not done anyway.
Do you think just this stuff will make their day?
Promise me, my little dear,
you will hold their hand when they are in fear.
Rock them on your blue rocker when they shed a tear.
Read them a story and keep them near.

Do it not for duty and definitely not for charity.
Do it because God made the world round
What goes around comes around.
Believe me, my little darling,
Do it... do it for yourself!
CopyrightArchanaSarat2014

Best Laid Plans???

Two weeks of the summer holidays are up and while I was hoping to get a breather when they are enjoying/learning at some workshops, it just didn't happen so! At the last minute, Aaru decided that summer camps are not as much fun as chilling out at home and Sanju decided that hindi and handwriting are not things to do in the holidays. However, we all did lots of cool stuff together and I realised the summer is not so bad after all. Here are some of the activities we did:

1) Thermocol sheet

The best toy you can give a toddler costs just 30 bucks and provides endless hours of fun.

Aaru painted on it, stuck stickers on it, poked it with toothpicks...

He landscaped it. This is a tree created by him...

 

Now, this is the tough-to-imagine one... It is a hammock with a mother and baby and Aaru has offered juice to the baby. This thermocol sheet is such a versatile thing and we are not done with it yet.

2) A Doodling Robot

 

Sanju and Sarat spent a few hours working on this and it is beautiful...

 

 

 

 
 
 
 


3) Open Deck Bus Trip

This was one of the best ideas I had this summer. Thanks to mycity4kids. The kids absolutely loved this. The trip can be availed of on weekend evenings from Gateway of India.

 

It was so much fun viewing familiar spots from atop a bus with the banyan roots sweeping on us at times. And we topped the fun with midnight tea at Marine Drive and a beautiful lit-up view of the Gateway after that.

 

4) Kidzania

 

While this place was not nearly as much fun for toddlers, it is most suitable for 7 - 13 year olds. Sanju had a blast.He tried his hand at his most favourite field - construction.

 

 

Aaru decided to try his hand at making his most favourite snack - Chocos.

 

 

 

 

Apart from this, they became journalists, fire fighters, police, pottery artisans, courier boys and so much more. It was a great experience.

 

5) Sea snails at Kelwa Beach

 

 

 

These beautiful little creatures kept getting washed into the shore and they waited to get back into the sea again with the next wave. It was a big challenge for the kids to tread on the shore carefully without stamping on these snails as it was littered with dozens of them.

 



 

 

Kelwa Beach, by itself, was a wonderful experience for all of us as the resort had no TV, Wifi, AC and it was the first time we had been to a place without all this stuff and still remained completely occupied. Even I was surprised to find that the fresh beach air can top even the best air-conditioner. It was so chilly at night and we enjoyed it.

 

Most of the stuff we have done till now were unplanned or planned within a few hours. All the plans for drama classes, handwriting classes, etc have been abandoned (though it was planned by them at the beginning!) and I have taken a resolution not to force anything (even their own decisions) upon them this summer, except maybe fun and my company! ;)

 





 

Holiday Plans

April has begun. The holiday season is about to begin. Mercifully, there is still one more week of half-day school before the tsunami hits. So, I can gear up!

Project : Keeping my sons (Sanju 8years & Aaru 3 years) usefully and happily occupied

Duration: 2 months :(

Challenges: TV, Tab, Computer

Biggest Challenge: My maid and cook are taking a one month break as soon as the holidays start.

Brief Respite: Trip to Grandparent's house (though they need to be kept occupied there too!)

Activities planned till now:

All these activities are what the kids have planned for themselves. I gave them this mind map (Sanju's school has taught them mind maps as 'spider diagrams' and he loves them.) He ticked a few of the activities on them, cancelled a few and added few more of his own. Aaru is ready to jump into whatever his brother does and then, he thinks over whether he wants to continue or not. Yes, he attended some three classes of chess before deciding to give it up.

1. Casio classes through home tutor (for both)
2. Drawing classes by yours truly (for both)
3. Tennis coaching (for Sanju)
4. Creative Writing sessions by yours truly (with Sanju)
5. Chess Classes to continue (for Sanju)
6. Cuddly Reading sessions thrice a day (with both)
7. Hindi classes through home tutor (reading, grammar & vocabulary - nothing rote/boring) (Sanju)
8. Dance classes (for Aaru) (He has been yearning for it!)
9. Decoupage workshop by yours truly (with both)

The Hindi classes are something that he wouldn't vote for but he has learnt to take it in his stride. Given a choice, he would like to remove Hindi from his syllabus. Now, these are some things I am pushing towards him. He may or may not take it up. Let's see...

1. Handwriting classes/ sessions with me
2. Speech & Drama workshop (for 10 days)
3. A two week comprehensive summer camp for Aaru (It has art, craft and dancing!)

One thing that Sanju was really looking forward to this summer was to attend a Lego Robotics Workshop. Sadly, the dates for it were finalised after I booked my tickets and it falls in that period. I cheered him up by getting him a Robotic Kit, though it is definitely a poor consolation to his disappointment.

Things already procured:
1. Crayons & drawing books (both)
2. Shell craft kit (Sanju)
3. Decorative Candle making kit (Sanju)
4. Library membership for both
5. Robotic kit (Sanju)
6. Decoupage materials (both)
7. Mould and Paint (Aaru)
8. Mapology (a jigsaw puzzle of Indian states) (Aaru)


Things needed:
1. Part time help for housework
2. Patience when you hear "I'm bored!"
3. Tolerance for mess
4. Smiles
5. Energy (I must not forget to take my Eltroxin and Iron tablets everyday!)
6. Strong-will not to use the TV as my baby sitter

Things we might do
1. A make it yourself costume party for their friends with snacks and a movie
2. Some cooking sessions with them both
3. A trip to Kidzania
4. all the movies they want to watch

As I write down this list, I am filled with a little hope. Things may not be so bad after all! Maybe, I wouldn't even notice the two months whizzing past.
.

Parenting by the Book

Most people who browse through my library at home are surprised by the number of parenting books that sit on the shelves. Frequently, I hear the remark, “You read all this? You cannot parent by learning from a book!” I am happy that they at least realise that parenting is a learning experience. Maybe, I haven’t learned as much from the books as from experience but the books have played an invaluable role in shaping me as a parent. Another school of thought is that there is something wrong with my kids and that I seek help through the books. Thankfully, these folks never had the guts to say this to my face or their eyes would have turned as black as their thoughts.

Why does an entrepreneur read books on leadership? Why does a writer read books on character development and dialogue? Why does a doctor read his monthly medical journal? Not because they are failures in their field or lack the knowledge in the technical aspects! They may not even learn much from the books as what they learn through experience. Still, they read for one simple reason. The same reason why I turn to parenting books. INSPIRATION.

 

When my elder son has lost ten erasers in two weeks of school or when my younger one has yet again upturned the five kilos of flour, I tend to lose perspective. I forget why I had decided to have children in the first place. I take a time-out and sit with one of my favourite parenting books. Then, I read that almost all toddlers are messy and have no sense of value and that parents need to have sensible expectations. (Toddler Taming by Dr Christopher Green) Immediately, my temper seems to ease away and the mass of mess that awaits me seems manageable. I recall reading about how we can make play dough at home with flour. I wonder where I read that! Was it in ‘What to expect in the toddler years’ or was it ‘501 TV – free activities for kids’? By now, I have completely forgotten about my bad mood. The kids have turned up to pull me away from my time-out. I accept the apologies and we have a pleasure-filled day making a huge bulk of clay.

 

Parenting was never meant to be the lonely, tiring and depressive job that it has become today. Earlier, entire villages united to raise every child. The parents got frequent breaks, the kids were adequately pampered and parenting counsellors were round every corner. However, now days, parenting has turned to this challenge that you need to face alone. You are judged if you leave your kids in day-care or if you have a nanny, especially if you are a stay-at-home mom. The remarks and judgements are scary and hurtful that you do not want to seek help.

In case, you decide to seek help from a counsellor for your kid’s behaviour and your expectations, all hell breaks loose! We are still living in a society which believes that a person would seek psychological help only when they are psychotic.  This is just like telling that you need to see a doctor only when you have cancer and not when you have fever. The mind is such an important part of our body and when we tweak our parenting thoughts just a little bit at times, the changes in our kid’s behaviour are tremendous.

It is here that these books are such a blessing. They cannot judge you, they do not talk behind your back and they lend you a sympathetic shoulder and say, “I understand what you are going through but think of that little being whose whole world revolves around you. Respect him, love him and see the world through his eyes.” They show us the world through their eyes.

Sometimes, I have received the greatest of parenting advice from the fiction I read. Doris Lessing (Nobel Prize Laureate) has written many wonderful books but the greatest one among them, according to me, is ‘The Fifth Child’. It is definitely not a book for the faint hearted. However, she beautifully shows us that the greatest gift we can give our kids is to accept them as they are and love them in spite of what they are. This is the toughest challenge for parents but we can do it. Thanks to all the lovely books that will inspire and motivate us on the way!

When will I stop comparing!!!

Today, I lost my cool on my 7 year old again. While I went for a shower in the morning rush hours, I asked him to complete his breakfast and wear his shoes. His school van is expected in 20 minutes. After 15 minutes, the first sight that caught my eye as I stepped out of the bathroom was him looking out of the window towards the horizon lost in his dreams. The breakfast was lying on the table untouched. He hadn't worn his shoes. And, I burst. "See your classmate, Prakhar. He gets ready for school by himself. He packs his bag by himself. He eats whatever his mummy sends him in the tiffin and you..." This charade went on and on till he was packed off in the school van. Later, after peace descended on me, I wondered what got into me. Shakespeare called 'jealousy' as a green eyed monster, but for me this concept of 'comparison' is my red eyed monster. It eats up all my relationships and hurts all those who love me. It is my relationship pac-man. When I was a kid, the whine was like this, "Daddy, her father has bought her this pencil box with switches and buttons. Why don't you get me one?" "Mummy, his mother allows him to stay up late at night. Why not me?" Then, it turned to... "Mummy, you don't scold him (my brother!) for anything but you always scold me for everything. You love him more than you love me!" Slowly, it started extending towards others too... "Did you see how English ma'am smiled at her? She never smiles at me like that!" "He scored more marks than me. I'm sure he must have cheated." "She got a star in her record book. Her mother must have drawn it for her." Yes, it was getting nasty but the worst is yet to come...I turned a teenager! "Everyone has a cellphone. You have bought one for our driver too but you cannot get me one. I am the only one in my college who doesn't have one. I feel so ashamed!" "Oooh... her mother is so cool. She allows her to bunk college, go out for movies, date guys and you are so boring. You are antique!" Then I got married. "Her husband loves her so much. He agrees to whatever she says." "He has bought her a solitaire." "He surprised her with flowers for no reason at all!" If you analyse the above statements made to my husband, there are no crude comparisons made. I have now gained finesse in this 'comparison' game. The question is unsaid but it hovers in the background... "Why not you?" Now, this pathetic habit of mine is starting to engulf my kids too. "His book is so well maintained. Why not yours?" "Her handwriting is so beautiful but you..." "Why have you not got a star in your worksheet like others?" "Look at how other kids are interested in dance, music, sports! You are only interested in planting your bum on the couch opposite the television!" These statements look so bad now that I have written them. I promised myself that * I will hug my little one and apologise to him once he's back home from school today and * I will watch my words and thoughts to make sure I don't allow this monster to raise it's head again. I'll keep you posted on how well this goes. Wish me luck!

Birth of A Brother

I remember, I think this must be my earliest memory, walking down the lane of my rental house holding a pillow in one hand and clutching my father’s hand with the other. My father had some rolled up bedding in his other arm. He walked jauntily announcing to the entire world that his wife has just delivered a son and that we were off to the hospital to be along with the mother and baby.

I don‘t remember the stay there or the fact that I named my brother ‘Aravind’, but I do remember having at least 4 Aravinds in my Junior KG class. So, it must be true. I must have named him. Not just that, he owes his birth to me. Let me tell you the story.

We were on the first floor of an old rental apartment and there were another half-dozen houses there apart from the landlord who resided on the ground floor. I was a lonely four-year old.

So, secretly, I used to pray to God everyday to give me either an elder sister like Ammu or a younger brother. I never wanted an elder brother who might bash me up or a younger sister who would snatch my lovely beads and dresses. Since God couldn’t turn back time, he satisfied my latter wish.

So, my brother owes me two things – his birth and his name!